7 Essential Rules For Making The Bloody Best Cup Of Tea

7 Essential Rules For Making The Bloody Best Cup Of Tea

There are some rules that everyone should follow when it comes to making the bloody best cup of tea possible. Get it wrong, and you’ll be spitting it down the sink rather than savouring the flavour. You owe it to yourself to learn the best and most important rules for making great tea. Here are some 7 of the essentials.

1. Pour the Boiled Water FAST 


It’s essential to pour the water as bloody fast as you can once it’s boiled. Not to get too technical, but the water is hottest when it’s just boiled; that’s common sense. And you want that water to be as hot as it can be as it hits your tea bag and starts to create a taste sensation in your mug. If you walk away from the kettle and sit down in front of the TV, the water could be lukewarm before you drag yourself back to the kitchen to make your brew. Stay alert, stay on the ball and pour quickly for the best results.

2. Don’t Leave Your Bag in the Mug 


Leaving your bag in the mug while you drink your tea is an unforgivable sin, and it’s a sin that you need to stop committing. There is nothing more repulsive than taking a sip of your brew when there’s still a weather-worn tea bag floating on the surface begging to be put out of its misery. Do the decent thing and make sure that the bag is long gone before you start drinking. The tea bag rarely needs to be in the hot water for more than about three minutes, as long as the water is hot enough!

3. Know Your Tea 


Next, you need to make sure that you know your tea. There are so many different types of tea out there. And the truth is some of them are shit. Of course, there are plenty of great tea brands and types of tea, but it’s worth doing some research and finding the one that tastes good to you. When you know about your favourite tea, you will also be able to make sure that you time the brew properly. Some types of tea need to be left in the hot water for longer than others, and this affects the taste.

How to make a cup of tea

4. NEVER Put the Milk in First 


This is another tragic mistake that so many people make. Unfortunately, lots of people don’t see anything wrong with putting the milk in first. Yes, it’s shocking, but it’s true. You need to stop putting the milk in first if you want to join the elite club of people who actually know what proper tea looks and tastes like. You end up with a tea of something that looks more like dirty milk than tea if you put the milk in first. It’s a shocking error. If this is the approach you’ve always taken, try doing it properly and putting it in last; you’ll love the results.

5. And Don’t Use That Fucking Awful Fake Milk 


Are you one of those people who buy awful fake milk? If so, explain yourself. Whether it’s the fake milk you find in supermarkets or those little shitty pots you find in Weatherspoons, you need to ditch this stuff once and for all. There is nothing wrong with proper milk, be it semi-skimmed, skimmed or full fat, so why not just use it? Your mug of tea will certainly thank you.

6. Stop Contaminating the Sugar with Your Spoon 


Dipping your spoon in the sugar when it’s got tea all over it just ruins your sugar. It’s one of those awful mistakes that annoys everyone else in your home. So, unless you want to annoy them to the point at which they spit in your brew next time they make you one, stop doing it. Good tea making is a friendly pastime, and that means you should take the needs and grievances of others into account when doing it.

7. Put the Tea in the Best Bloody Mug You Can Get Your Hands On 


Finally, you need to make sure that you have the best bloody mug to drink your tea out of. You wouldn’t buy a house without a good roof. So, you shouldn’t drink tea without a great mug either. Ditch that dull, cracked, old mug that you’ve been clinging onto for centuries and find one that’s nicer, sharper and adorned with some proper swear words. Deep down, you know that it makes sense.

Asshole Mug